Dating Advice: Sex and the Single Girl

As women, we’re constantly bombarded with messages to find Mr. Right. Society basically commands us to be in a relationship; it’s been repeatedly emphasized to marry, hopefully sooner than later, and to have a family. Everywhere we turn there is a picture of a happy couple holding hands, billboards advertising baby gear and family vacations, and our grandmother asking when we’re going to settle down. This constant and steady flow of media images ranges from happy brides to nuclear families to smiling babies, and reminds us of the importance of finding that “special someone”… immediately. We’re not getting any younger, remember?

Unfortunately, this very excitement can sabotage our efforts.  Yes, we can actually be our worst enemy and ruin the very quest in which we have invested so much time and energy: finding the right man.  Either we have done it or know someone who has:  become intimate with someone we like WAY too soon.

Sex too early in a relationship can easily be rationalized, despite all the dating advice we’ve heard in the past. After all, just finding someone to fit “the profile” isn’t easy.

Each woman has been constructing a very narrow and highly thought out set of criteria since the first time she heard of Prince Charming in a fairy tale. As women we focus on the ideal that represents our Prince Charming, so it comes as no surprise if we get a little carried away once we think we have found him.

Does traditional dating advice regarding sex still apply? Obviously, common sense (along with our mothers) would tell us to wait as long as possible before hitting the sheets with a new beau. But do the old-fashioned rules still hold true in today’s dating scene?

To sum it up, yes! Dating advice from relationship experts remains steadfast: the longer you wait, the better; and fortunately, with a little relationship advice, you can avoid the common pitfalls common in early dating. Here are some tips to help you navigate the delicate subject of sex and dating.

 Sex and Dating Advice Tip #1

 Don’t jump the gun

Once we find someone who could possibly fit the profile of “someone I can spend the rest of my life with,” it’s no wonder that as women, we get a little excited. Not excited in the sexual way, more like “we just found the pair of shoes we’ve been searching for all year on the sale rack” excited. We’ve spotted them and we want to try them on for size and make them ours…as soon as possible. We’re ready to seal the deal, and sometimes if there’s a little too much excitement that clouds our otherwise responsible judgment, it’s possible for the whole experience to blow up in our face. Just like handing your credit card to the salesman before trying the shoes on, having sex too soon can cause unforeseen problems. Sex too soon seems like a good idea at the time, but it’s usually not.

Sex and Dating Advice Tip #2

Have an honest conversation

Women think sex implies commitment. Men don’t necessarily think this way. If you want a committed relationship, sex needs to be discussed before it happens. And if you’re too uncomfortable to discuss sex with this person, you shouldn’t be comfortable enough to take off your clothes.

Sex and Dating Advice Tip #3

Build a good foundation

Don’t think for one second that the guy overlooks the message conveyed when having sex on the first date. Of course, he noticed he didn’t have to do anything to win over his date. Such a casual liaison may lead him to conclude, “She must not think much of herself to hand the goods over so soon. I’m not even wearing a clean shirt.” His respect for her, as well as her potential as a long-term partner, registers at zero. Even if the passion and chemistry are there, ultimately men don’t respect women who don’t respect themselves enough to develop a relationship before taking their clothes off. In most cases, such casual encounters undermine any good foundation necessary to begin a relationship. It will bother any man, or at least any man with good intentions, to the point that a serious and committed relationship is not possible.

Sex and Dating Advice Tip #4

Know your boundaries

Think about your sexual boundaries ahead of time. As you are physically getting ready for your date, make sure you take some time to focus on your mental preparation as well. Make a decision (before any alcohol is involved) regarding how you want to handle yourself in the case intimacy shows up on the agenda. Make a deal with yourself and stick to it, no matter what. There’s no rationalizing naughty behavior after the two cocktails from dinner have clouded your vision because you made your decision with a clear and rational mind ahead of time.

Two of Us^® provides trained professional to help you through the sometimes awkward stages of dating and relationships. Understanding how to navigate the dating landscape is half the battle. Let us help you through what could potentially be the start to "The Two of Us", because two is always better than one.